Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
