I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
