I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
