those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
