Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
