just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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