If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
