Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
