Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i now understand why vodka
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
