I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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