Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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