I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
