I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
