I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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