Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
