Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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