my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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