Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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