His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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