Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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