So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize