It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
