We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
