I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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