She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize