Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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