We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize