I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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