in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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