Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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