I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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