someone threw a dead crab at me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
