too bad you live with your parents still
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
