We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
