We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
