You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
