atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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