The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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