I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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