dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
