so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
