it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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