yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
