i permit you to call me
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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