2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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