Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
