don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
