i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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