I feel like abortions should bother me more
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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