need another drink. this is the easiest way
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
