Can Purell be used as lube?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
