I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
