so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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