My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize