I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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