That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
