that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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