I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
