im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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