FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
