I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize