I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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