He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
