I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
